Sybil Writes On Leaves

14

Sleep. I desperately needed sleep. That was all I could think of as I made my way back to my room. Sally walked ahead of me. As we descended the stairs she spoke out loud, “You need to prepare yourself for what’s coming. You entertain your weakness too much. The things you desire, the things that make you feel good, serve as a handle that others can easily grab onto and lead you around. You can’t be susceptible to every Ann and Jane that catches your eye, or you’re done for.” She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, turned and looked me in the eyes. I said, “In order for me to be prepared, I need to know what to expect.”

“You can expect the fires of hell. What answer do you pretend to seek that you don’t already have?”

“I don’t know what the fuck is going to come at me next. There were things I’ve always been to afraid to believe in, I’ve been exposed to the reality of those things in recent days. I don’t know what kind of demon or monster will jump out of the shadows at me next.”

“What does the monster’s name matter? Or what it looks like? You should be familiar with the nature of monster’s by now. The difference between one and the other is just details and trivialities. Demons? They’re as many and varied as all the people born into this earth and they’re everywhere. They have systems and societies in place older than the Sun. You’re always surrounded by demons; most of them are indifferent, some will be very hostile to you, others will look for ways to use you, none will hold you in higher regard than an insect. Humans have more control over the orbits of the planets than the affairs and intentions of the demons all around them. What’s the use in worrying about it?”

“Does the Goddess protect us from the demons?”

“She destroys demons. She consumes lesser gods and seizes or destroys their creations. Without Her, there would be a thousand gods for every star in the sky. Except there would be no stars or sky; no harmony, creation or growth. You can expect there to be deities, spirits and demonic forces that will want to destroy you.”

“Good versus evil?”

“Do you view every war between men as a battle of good versus evil? When you see two people in a fistfight, is that a battle between good and evil? Or is the conflict much more simple? Is a battle between lions and hyenas a battle between good and evil? Who’s good? Who’s evil? Who decides?”

“Is there a ‘good and evil’?”

“Ask Lavinia.”

Lavinia’s voice came into my head, “There is no good and evil. There is only victory and defeat. The victor makes the rules and decides what to label ‘good and evil’.”

Sally smiled and said, “The title of ‘good’ always goes the winner right?”

I nodded and replied, “The only evil is defeat.”

“Some people have different definitions.”

“What’s your definition?”

“’Good and evil’ is irrelevant.”

“Is The Great Sathanas evil?”

“He’s our enemy. Again, ‘good and evil’ are irrelevant. He is our enemy regardless.”

“You’re not answering my question.”

“You’re not asking me anything you don’t already know. If there is a Creator who made everything, including all that is labeled ’good’ or ’evil’, is that Creator good, evil or both. Have you ever read the Bible?”

I nodded my head.

“The Bible says God created the earth. Who does the Bible say is the ‘ruler of this world’? Who could have appointed him as ruler, if not God? And who was in charge of keeping the Serpent in, or out, of Eden?”

“So any agent of Satan is an agent of God?”

“And ’good and evil’ is irrelevant.”

“So are our sacrifices to God?”

“The Goddess has existed longer than the God who created this material world and the spirits, deities and creatures that fill it.”

“What did she create?”

“Consciousness. From that, all the other gods and goddesses were born.”

Damijana appeared in the hallway that led to the dining room, living room and den. She seemed to stare straight through me. Without speaking, Sally walked away. I focused on Damijana and thought, “I’m devoted to Lavinia, that will never change.”

“You’re too small-minded to plan any farther than next week, much less forever. I’m the last woman who you should expect to impress with declarations of eternal love for my sister. You must think eternal love means, ’Until something better comes along.’ We’ll settle the issues that exist between us later. You should rest and get ready for the days ahead.”

“You could have given me a choice.”

“You’ve always had a choice Clarence. I know that it’s easier for you to believe otherwise. You’ve had choices every step of the way.”

“What were my choices? Be a part of this or die? You or Lavinia?”

“You chose me over the life you had before. You chose to become a part of this because it was more important to you to remain among the living, than to remain among the men who live their whole lives without shedding innocent blood. You’d rather be a living murderer than a dead man with clean hands. There’s no shame in that. If our ancestors hadn’t felt the same way, we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation now. We’d be extinct. You never once tried to escape and you didn’t walk away when Lavinia gave you the opportunity. You’ve chosen this life just like you chose to fall in love with my sister. You chose her over me. Now, here you are looking for someone to blame for your own fucked up choices. The only person to blame for the situation you’re in is you.”

“No, you’re wrong.” I didn’t choose to fall in love with your sister. I had no more control over that than you had control over what this house turned you into.”

“And what did this house turn you into Clarence? A raping, murdering thug; Lavinia’s loyal henchman. The few moral values that you had when you came in were quickly discarded as soon as the opportunity presented itself.”

“You anticipated every change that has taken place within me.”

“I didn’t anticipate that you would forget me so quickly. I selected you for the particular brand of loyalty you possess. I misjudged the nature of that loyalty. Lavinia did not.”

“Are you saying that I’m disloyal.”

“You’re loyal to the Power behind the Altar. You’re not loyal to any particular person. You’re perfect for the house. You’re perfect for a Matriarch like Lavinia. Your type is an asset to an ideology, a system, an organization or a dictator. At the same time that you’re an asset to the organization, you’re a danger to its individual members. That’s what you have in common with my sister. You let go of me the moment you felt Lavinia’s power and realized she would give you access to it in exchange for your unconditional loyalty and obedience. Some might call that love. Others would call it a form of prostitution.”

“I love the woman, her power is just a part of who she is.”

“Save that Mickey Mouse bullshit Romeo. Your thing with Lavinia might be romantic if it wasn’t so politically advantageous for you. You’re far too calculating to be sincere. In the end, you’re only loyal to your own self-interest.”

“I gave up everything to follow you, and this is where you led me.”

Lavinia appeared at the top of the stairs. Her voice said, “You two have nothing to discuss other than how to address our adversary. Damijana, I suggest you refrain from stooping beneath your role in this house.”

If Damijana replied, she replied directly to the mind of her sister. I only saw her turn and storm away. Lavinia’s voice said, “She’s wrong. Your loyalty is solid. She’s too weak to hold it.”

“What about the things Sally told me? About God and Satan? About Demons?”

“Sally is a simple girl with simple explanations. She suggests a conflict where none exists. Satan was God’s favorite angel. Allegedly he opposed God, yet he still exists. Not only does he exist, but he has been given authority over dominion’s within the Lord’s Kingdom. The God who created the reality you exist in is not the only God or Creator. But we exist in the reality He created. We are His creations. His creations on this planet live in world ruled by His favorite angel. If you’re here, human and interacting with other humans, you’re playing The King of This World’s game. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Catholic, Muslim, Hindu, Atheist, Fascist or Socialist, they’re all marching to the beat of the same drum. They all have the same form, the same function; they all fight the same kinds of wars and for the same reasons. The people, the culture, the religion, the political beliefs, race; all that is interchangeable. One thing remains constant throughout, the Devil’s Will will be done. If the Goddess disagreed with the order of things here, she would destroy the Devil’s Dominion. Our Goddess guides us through this world and we do Her bidding along the way. I see your fear. There is one thing about Satan. He doesn’t play favorites. Everything that rises in his dominion falls, without exception. If you wish to see an example of this, look at the rise and fall of Jesus Christ. It doesn’t matter to The King of This World what your banner says or what symbol adorns your breast, as long as there is a symbol there. What would this earth be without it’s flag, banners, symbols and marching soldiers. The person who speaks wears the mark of the beast. So you’ll have to go find a person who has lived their life without a language to find someone who doesn’t have the mark. You’re asking where you fit into all this. You wear the marks of both the Beast and the Goddess. But you belong to the Goddess and your function is to serve as an instrument for her to impose Her Will on the Beast’s System. Sally told you ’good and evil’ are irrelevant. I told you there is only victory and defeat. The person who thirsts and finds water will live on due to that seemingly small victory. The defeated dies of thirst, most likely the result of self-defeat as opposed to lack of water.”

“How can I be victorious in the coming battles.”

“Dispose of your fear, desire and mercy.”

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